A Slice of My Cake

Talking with Angelica earlier this morning made me remember of my apprehension with whether or not I am walking on the right path. Well, you know, the usual life worries one has. Doubts and wonderings if I am heading towards the right direction or perhaps I’ve gone astray—stuck and at a lost with what to do, where exactly to go, etcetera, etcetera. 

Thinking about all those again now, I think that as of now, I am simply just going with the flow. To tell the truth, I may be going with the flow since forever. Just letting myself get carried to wherever, exploring and trying out what people say “might just be the thing for me”. I am uncertain if that can be considered as threading my very own path. Maybe I’m just trekking on the path that has already been conveniently set and created. After all, I am not as brave and bold as those other people who can make their very own.  

Just like any other human being, I had/have my own dreams, but they’re not working-out so well for me. And with the hard and mad times that we have, I just can’t continue to try and pursue something unsure—something that just might never be. Although it’s also a possibility that I just need to try much harder or perchance, I’m just using that as an excuse to my being wherever I am now. Scaredy-cat. Someone who can’t take a lot of risks. 

But then, I also adjust my dreams once in a while. I try to be a practical, realistic and optimistic person. I think of all the things I can really achieve, list them down, then try to work on them—or my way towards it. Though I’m not sure if other people may see those as sensible and “real goals” or just a mere waste of time. Well, everybody has their own perspective. And frankly, I confuse my own self with mine at times. Not that it isn’t obvious enough at this point.     

But whatever kind of road I take, the main thing is that it’s still my call whether or not to take it. The decision shall and will forever lie within my own hands. 

One might be affected with what other people say, with how their family and friends would react to what life-route they’ve decided to take. But even with that, it’s still a personal choice. Why? Well, it’s you that is concerned with how the people around you would react and be affected— with how certain factors in life and/or your environment can make or break you. All those worries and concerns are your own. It’s your choice to be and get affected. Thus, technically, the road you are threading is what you chose yourself.

The same goes for me. In the end, I can’t really blame anybody else for it but me. Nevertheless, I find scapegoats. Hey, I’m human. :p